Peter Alsop‘s SONGS TO CHEW
1. CHRIS MOOSE
A E F#m E
Up near the North Pole, where it gets real cold,
F#m A E7
There lives a great big Moose named Chris
A E F#m E
One day he just stopped by Santa's workshop
F#m A E7 A
To help Santa with his Christmas list.
Chris Moose, Chris Moose, I'm a Merry Chris Moose!
Hi there Santa! Tell me what to do!!
Chris Moose, Chris Moose, a hairy, Merry Chris Moose!
I came over to help you!
Then he bumped a table that was a bit unstable
And a whole wall of toys started to sway, (CRASH!!)
It just missed two elves who might have hurt themselves
If they hadn't jumped quickly out of the way
Chris Moose, Chris Moose, I'm a clumsy Chris Moose!
That was an accidental thing to do
Chris Moose, Chris Moose, a hairy, Merry Chris Moose!
Sorry Santa, let me make it up to you!
So Santa said "Okay Chris, maybe some Christmas
You could help me bring the kids their toys
But I've got reindeer, to help me this year
And I wouldn't want to scare the girls and boys!"
Chris Moose, Chris Moose, I'm a jolly Chris Moose!
Oh Boy! Santa's gonna let me pull the sleigh!
Chris Moose, Chris Moose, a hairy, Merry Chris Moose!
I'm gonna fly with Santa some Christmas Day!
Then late one December, I'm sure that you remember
When colds and flu bugs get inside our head
The flu bugs this year, infected Santa's reindeer
And Santa had to tell them all to stay in bed
Rudolph said "Achoo!" cause, his nose was full of mucous
It was a sort of pink and luminescent goo
Prancer was wheezing and Dancer was sneezing
And Donner and Blitzen had runny noses too!
So it was Christmas Eve and no one could believe it
When Santa decorated Chris with Moosel-toe
His antlers full of lights, they took off through the night
And Chris sang louder than Santa's "HO! HO! HO!" He said,
Chris Moose, Chris Moose, I'm a Merry Chris Moose!
Flying over rooftops, pulling Santa's sleigh
Chris Moose, Chris Moose, a hairy, Merry Chris Moose!
Helping out the reindeer on Christmas Day!
The story's almost over, the deer are eating clover
They're playing with the antelopes, out on the range
And Chris has painted his nose, it's like a giant red rose
"Next time we go flying I won't look so strange!"
Chris Moose, Chris Moose, a very Merry Chris Moose
Yes Sir, Santa! I can pull your sleigh!
Chris Moose, Chris Moose, a hairy, Merry Chris Moose!
Merry Chris Moose to you this Chris Moose Day
F#m A E D9 F A (E) A
Merry Chris Moose to you this Chris Moose Day
3. THE GIFT
D Em
I know what I want for Christmas
G D
I wrote to Santa long ago
D Em
There's only one thing on my list
G A D
Just listen Mom, please don't say "No!"
I'm sorry you got mad last night Mom
I'm stubborn, just like you, and strong.
You show me how to do things right, an'
You hug me tight when something's wrong.
G
I love the things you do, such as,
D
At bedtime when we read a book.
G
An' you don't yell when you get mad,
Bm A7
You just squint your eyes and look
But when you cough, I think you're choking.
I get so scared, I have to say,
For Christmas Mom, would you quit smoking?
Throw your cigarettes away?
Don't burn out in one great big blaze
Or I'll make my squint eyes at you!
I need you here for lots more birthdays.
Don't quit for me Mom, quit for you!
Someday I will have some kids.
And they'll need "Grandma hugs" a lot.
I need you too Mom, I'm your kid, and,
Well, you're the only Mom I've got!
Your eyes filled with tears last night
When I threatened, "I'd smoke too!"
I feel fears each time you light up
I wish that you would feel scared too
Listen Mom, 'cause I'm not joking
I don't want toys on Santa's sleigh
For Christmas Mom, would you quit smoking?
Throw your cigarettes away!!
I love you Mom, so please, quit smoking,
That's all I want on Christmas Day.
4. MY DADDY'S ROLL
C
Do ya really want t'eat that Dad?
G7 C
If you do, you'll just get mad
C
We've been through this all before
G7 G7 C
Y'say you're full, n'then y'eat some more
C G7
My Daddy's roll, is outta control
C F
Hangs over his belt, like a candle that's melted!
G G7 C
My Daddy's roll, is outta control!
You buy health food when you shop
But we don't wanna eat what you eat, Pop
We know your self control is bad
So we'll finish off your ice cream Dad, (Just to help you stay healthy!)
My Daddy's roll, is outta control
Our hands are full, whenever we pull,
On my Daddy's roll!! It's outta control!
This morning he jumped out of bed
Looked in the mirror, then he said
"I've got "Dunlop's Disease" real bad!
I "done lopped over my belt!" (Oh Daaaaaad!)
F C
He sucks his stomach in real far
Dm C
As he offers me half of his candy bar
F C
He holds his breath as his face turns red
G G7
He was out of air when I said,
Kid: My, my Dad! What a big chest you've got!
Dad: (holding breath) All muscles!
Kid: Can I stick my finger in your bellybutton??!
Dad: NO! Hey! NO! Don't do that! Cut it out!
Kid: Well I think I found the secret release button here Dad! Look!
Dad: Stop right now or I'll, ....(huge release of air with giggles & flop)
Kid: Wow! Dad, is THAT all YOU!!
Dad: Now look what you've done!
Help me pick this up and tuck it back in here!!
So work out Dad, it's not too late
Push yourself away from your plate
Y'say "I'm gonna trim this roll off me!"
Then y'sit down and watch T.V.!
My Daddy's roll, is outta control
Sometimes he tries, to exercise
But my Daddy's roll, is outta control!
You make fun of yourself, it's true!
But your roll doesn't bother anyone but you!
If you need to cry 'cause you're feeling sad
I'll give you a hug, cause I love you Dad
And I love your roll, tho' it's outta control
Hangs over your belt, like a candle that's melted!
My Daddy's roll, Is outta control! (2x)
5. CHRISTMAS CHEER
D G
Dashing through the snow, to the liquor store
G A A7 D A7
We ran out of alcohol, we're going to get more! (Oh boy!)
D G
Dad has had a few drinks, he's really got a load
G A A7 D A7
HEY!!! Look out Dad! Boy! You almost ran us off the road! Oh!
D G D
Christmas cheer, Christmas cheer, I hate when someone drinks!
G D E7 A A7
Grown-ups just act stupid and their breath, it really stinks! Yeah,
D G D
Christmas cheer, Christmas cheer, taste it, you'll throw up!
G D A A7 D A7
If I have to drink at Christmas, I would rather not grow up!
That was pretty scary, that was pretty close!
Dad has had so many, he's got Rudolph's big red nose!
He runs into the store, grabs a six-pack off the shelf
Then he chugs another one to calm his Christmas self, Oh!
Christmas cheer, Christmas cheer, I hate when someone drinks!
Grown-ups just act stupid, they should pour it down their sinks! Oh,
Christmas cheer, Christmas cheer, taste it, you'll throw up!
If I have to drink at Christmas, I would rather not grow up!
Mom is in the kitchen, with the family recipes
Brandy in the eggnog, and the Christmas pudding please!
She's baking Christmas cookies, rum balls for us all
Christmas isn't Christmas without the alcohol!
6. BUY ME SOMETHING!
G G# A7
I'm just a little kid, with a mouth beneath my nose
D7 G D7
When someone takes me shopping, this is how it goes, it says
CHORUS:
G
Buy me something, something, something!
G
Buy me something, something, something!
G
Buy me something, buy me something,
G
Buy me, buy me, buy me, buy me,
G D7
Buy me something, pleeeeease!!
C G
Even if I have one, my mouth says "I need two!"
A7 D7
And if Mom tells me "No!", here's what it will do, ... It says
Chorus
We're s'posed to look for presents for my family
But my mouth doesn't care about anyone but me! It says
"One of these! Or one of those! Or that one over there!
Hurry! Buy me ANY-thing! I don't really care, just"
Chorus
My parents really hate it, they have to count to ten
They say they'll never, ever, ever buy me things again!
I've really got a problem, my mouth just loves to shop!
Maybe YOU could buy me something, THAT might make it stop
(Spoken: Wha'd'ya think? It's worth a try!
You could prob'ly save a cute little kid
From getting killed by an angry parent!
Look it's not my fault if my mouth has some kind of rare shopping compulsion, is it?
You could just put it on your charge card?
Then you won't have to pay right away?)
G A7
I'm going crazy, I can't stand it
C D7
Please DON'T make me leave this store, empty-handed!!!
Chorus (more manic)
A E D A
Buy me something expensive, something new
D A E A
Spend lots, don't be a cheapskate, or I'll get mad at you
Buy me things of great value, stuff to save
I want giant collections of ev'rything ever made!
7. WHEN JESUS WAS A KID
D
It's Christmas time again and the mall is really weird
D A7
Everyone gets stressed out Christmas shopping every year
A7
I have to stop and wonder, looking at my Christmas list
A7 D
When Jesus was a kid, would He be doing this?
I know He was a baby, but did He ever cry?
Did Jesus wet His diapers or were they always dry?
Did He use a bottle before He used a cup?
Did Jesus throw things on the floor for Mary to pick up?
G D
Did Mary ever spank him? Does the Bible say?
G A A7
Did Jesus scream and holler when things didn't go His way?
D
I know He was a baby, but I wonder what He did
A A7 D
When He was about, my age, ... when Jesus was a kid?
Did He have birthday parties? I like to think He might
But then I have to wonder, well, like, who did He invite?
Were there other kids in bathrobes who played tag the way we do?
Was He bummed out when His birthday gifts said "Merry Christmas" too!?
Did Jesus put on sunscreen, or did He wear a floppy hat?
Living in a desert, you can sunburn, (snap!), just like that!
And He prob'ly hated eating "camel milk with mushy peas"
Or can Saviors just get out of eating gross things when They please?
N'He prob'ly hoped His Dad would let Him have a B-B gun
I mean His father Joseph, you know, not the other One
It's not like it's a war toy, Jesus wouldn't hurt a flea
And He'd never point at anyone, He'd be as safe as me!
And if His mother found it, she wouldn't make a scene
She'd NEVER hide it in the attic, no, she was NOT that mean
He wanted "Peace On Earth" and "Good Will" to kids
I mean He was a kid Himself, so I'm sure He really did
We fight wars and we spill oil, we mess up the sand
I bet a kid like Jesus prob'ly wouldn't understand
He'd see us Christmas shoppers trying hard to close our eyes
To the homeless people sleeping near expensive stuff we buy
I might be wrong, but I'm a kid too, so I might be right
If we asked that kid Jesus, "Is all this stuff all right?
Can we buy Christmas spirit if we spend lots of dough?"
Well I think that kid Jesus, would just say "No!"
Christmas isn't about shopping, it's about the way we care
It's thinking "What would that kid Jesus do if He was here?"
So if some kid you know, messes up some thing they did,
Remember, Jesus was a human too, when He was a kid
Acting like a kid at Christmas, should not be a sin
Remember when we do it, we're only acting just like Him
So this Christmas, let's just BE NICE to each other, don't you see?
When Jesus was a kid, He was a lot like you and me!
When Jesus was a kid, He needed love like you and me!
8. THE NIGHT BEFORE HANUKKAH
Twas the night before Hanukkah, all through our home,
Not a creature was stirring not even Jerome.
Jerome is our cat, and he stays up all night,
But he had chicken soup, so he was sleeping all right.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of latkahs danced in their heads.
Our menorah was burning, it never expired.
Mama was snoring, but I wasn't tired,
I turned on the TV and watched the light shine,
And rejoiced 'cause the remote control was all mine!!
When what to my wondering eyes was produced,
But a miniature sleigh being pulled by a moose!
An incredible shot! A remarkable zoom!
As the moose and the sleigh burst into my room!
Right through the screen! There was glass all around!
But I had the remote, and I turned down the sound,
So no one woke up, there was no one to see
That Santa was standing there right next to me!
He was dressed all in red from his head to his toe,
And he said "Happy Hanukkah!" as he brushed off some snow.
I said "Santa, you busted my new TV set!"
He said "Well, the moose hasn't quite got the hang of it yet.
He's new, and he's just filling in for the deer
His name is Chris, he's just helping this year."
"Y'can't slide down my chimney? It that cause I'm Jewish?"
He said, "TV's are cleaner, and my suit, it's brand newish!
Naww, I don't do chimneys, they're really too tough.
I got stuck once that way, and once was enough!"
"I was dangling there, so I started to shout.
The kids hung on my legs 'til I fin'ly popped out!
I was really embarrassed, what with my reputation?
I figured, 'Nick, take a break! You need a vacation!'"
"But I didn't quit, I'm not one of those rookies.
I thought, 'Just loose some weight, cut down on the cookies!'"
His eyes, how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry!
He acted and looked like my old Uncle Jerry.
The beard on his chin was as white as the snow,
But he had long white curls where his side burns should grow.
The smoke drifted up from his pipe by his ear.
I said, "Santa, we don't allow smoking in here!"
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
And his pipe disappeared, "No problem!" he said.
"I just wanted to leave your kids a few things!"
He sat down with his pack and he pulled a few strings.
There were kid's books and toys and a dreidel of course,
And a couple of tapes, and a carved wooden horse
And some chocolate coins covered in gold
"That's Hanukkah Gelt!" Santa said, "So I'm told!"
Then he fixed my TV with a jerk of his head!
"I could leave the kid's stuff at the end of their bed?
Or maybe there's stockings? Or a Hanukkah bush?
You tell me where. I'll get up off my tush!"
I said, "Right here is fine, but hey, I'm a Jew!"
Santa said, "I visit Muslims and Hindu kids too!
It's Quanza and Solstice! It's Holiday time!
Hey, ... Could my moose have a latkah before we start flyin'?"
"We'd better get going, or there's people we'll miss
Sour cream on the side, then let's hit the road, Chris!"
Then laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, he shouted "Here goes!"
"Yes, people are people, who cares where they pray?"
Then into the TV they melted away.
And I heard him exclaim as he faded from view,
"Season's Greetings to all!! Happy Hanukkah too!!"
9. G-GEE, IT’S WARM OUT HERE!
E G#m7 G#m6 C#m C7 B7
G-Gee, it's warm out here
E G#m7 G#m6 C7b9 B7b9
I th-think I have to sweat!
E G#m7 G#m6 C#m C7 B7
My sh-shoulders feel sloshy
E F#9 A7 G#m6 E
And my feet are g-getting wet!
My c-corn cob pipe is drooping
My t-top hat doesn't fit
My kn-knees are kinda shaky
I think I'd b-better sit
D7b9 C#7b9 D7b9 C#7b9 B7
I might have a fe-fever
E C7 E E7
I'm not sure what to do
C#m C#m7 F#7
C-Call a Doctor? C-Call a Vet?
B7 B7 B+
Find some ice cubes and some g-glue?
Or c-call up B-Ben and Jerry?
They helped me out last year
I'd w-wish you M-Merry Christmas, but
G-Gee, It's Warm Out Here!
I'd w-wish you M-Merry Christmas, but
G-Gee, It's Warm Out Here!
G-Gee, It's Warm Out Here!
I better g-go, I've over stayed
I th-think I wet my snow pants
M-maybe we could find some shade?
I can't c-come and play here
If there isn't any snow
And you k-kids know where it’s at
So we’ve gotta let the g-grown-ups know
That the ozone layer's mi-missing!
And no one seems to care!
That n-none of us will m-make it
If we d-don't clean up the air!
I hate to m-melt away like this
I n-need your help, it's clear
I'd w-wish you M-Merry Christmas, but
G-Gee, It's Warm Out Here!
E G#m7 G#m6 Ddim C#dim Bdim, Bdim F#7b9
I'd w-wish you M-Merry C-Christmas, but
Bdim Cdim Bdim E E7
G-Gee, It's Warm Out Here! Bye!
10. I BELIEVE YOU
C Am
When you tell me you are scared
Am C
I will listen 'cause I care
Dm Am
I remember bein' scared too
G C
So when you tell me, I believe you
When you're angry or you're sad
Even if you're feeling bad
I remember feelin' bad too
So when you tell me, I believe you
F Em
Maybe I can help you with an idea
Dm C
Maybe I know something that'll make things clear, or
F Em
Maybe I won't know what to do
G G7 C
But I can be a safe place, and I believe you
When I was a kid, I cried
Had a secret deep inside
But the grown-ups could not see
I thought "Something must be wrong with me"
So when you tell me you are scared
I will listen 'cause I care
I remember bein' scared too
So when you tell me, I believe you.
When you tell me, I believe you.
When you tell me, ... I believe you.
11. THE TOOTH FAIRY, EASTER BUNNY, SANTA AND GOD
D
Back when Dad was little, in prehistoric time
D G A D
The Tooth Fairy would take his tooth and leave my Dad a dime
D
That's ten cents a tooth! I don't know how my Dad survived.
G A D
Now with the cost of living, don't you think it's worth a five?!
A7 D
There's an old story, almost everyone believes
A7 D
About the Tooth Fairy trading money for their teeth
G A
When a story has some spirit that touches you
A D
You can hold it in your heart and make it true.
The Easter Bunny leaves an Easter basket by my head
I pig out on jelly beans when I get out of bed!
Too many choc'late eggs, and I start to feel sick, an
Think, the Easter Bunny gets these things from a Chocolate Easter Chicken!
There's an old story, almost everyone believes
About the Easter baskets that the Easter Bunny leaves
When a story has some spirit that touches you
You can hold it in your heart and make it true.
Santa fills my stocking with games and Christmas toys
It's amazing he's so quiet, he never makes a noise!
But why live at the North Pole where it's freezing cold all year?
He could get a place in Malibu, go surfin' with his deer!
There's an old story, almost everyone believes
About how Santa visits on Christmas Eves
When a story has some spirit that touches you
You can hold it in your heart and make it true.
I used to think that God should stop by, just to say "Hello!"
But then that never happened, so how'm I s'posed to know?
I guess I know, 'cause when I stop, and take the time to feel
My life just goes much better, that's how I know God's real
There's an old story, almost everyone believes
About a God whose love for us never ever leaves
When a story has some spirit that touches you
You can hold it in your heart and make it true.
12. PASS IT ON!
CHORUS:
A
Pass it on! Ah-choo!
D
Pass it on! Ah-choo!
A E E7
Don't be stingy, Pass it on! Ah-choo!
A F#m
Someone thoughtful thought of you
D A
When they gave you the flu!
A E A
So don't be stingy, Pass it on! Ah-choo!
F#m E
Whenever someone sneezes, out into the air
F#m B E
They spray a million germs on you, because they like to share!
A F#m D A
Especially if they are sick, we should thank them, I suppose
F#m E A
Because they are so gen'rous with the contents of their nose!
Now if you cover up your mouth, ev'rytime you sneeze
Well that seems kind of selfish, you're not sharing your disease!
Someone gave you THEIR germs, and now you just won't share,
We thought that you liked us,... please show us that you care!
13. CLEAN OUT THE ATTIC
My Great Great Grandpa made his own leather bag
Back when he was still young
And it's been in our family for one hundred years
Handed down from father to son
It's bottom is torn, and it's stained and it's worn
With the secrets of family affairs
But we don't throw it out, it stays in our family
In a chest in the attic upstairs.
CHORUS:
Clean out the attic, let in the light
The skeletons there will go dancing all night
The ghosts that we hear are the ancestors cheering
Cause our kids won't inherit their woes
So clean out the attic, some things need to go!
My kids carry baggage from me and their Mom
They load their own bags everyday
So why would I pass on my Grandpa's old bag
When it's just one more thing in their way
All bags have beginnings, and middles and ends
So for Christmas this year it's my goal
As a gift to my kids, I'll take Grandpa's bag
And bury it deep in a hole!!
Clean out the attic, let in the light
The skeletons there will go dancing all night
When the everyday pains of the old family chains
Have really gotten too tight
Then clean out the attic, go dancing all night!
Clean out the attic, let in the light
The skeletons there will go dancing all night
The ghosts that we hear are the ancestors cheering
Cause our kids will have room to grow, so
Clean out the attic, some things need to go!
Clean out the attic, let in the light!
Then all of us kids can go dancing all night!
14. EARTHSONG
C G7 C G7
Our song starts with a child's birth
C Am Dm G
We're taught that people rule the Earth
C G7 C G7
But ev'ry creature has a song
C Am F G7 C
That we can't hear if we're too strong
F C G Am
For those with paws and fins and wings
F G7
Each knows the song it's family sings
Am F
The wind, the river, trees and clouds
C G G7 C
Cannot be heard if we're too loud!!
CHORUS:
C G7 C G7
All together, open hearts
C Dm G7
In harmony we sing our parts
C G7 C G7
When all of Nature sings along
C G G7 C
Then we hear the Earthsong
Rabbit, Clover, Owl and Bee, Redtail Hawk and Great Salt Sea
Mountain Lion, Thunderstorm, Redwood, Cactus, Rice and Corn,
Raven, Spider, Crab and Snail, Catfish, Heron, Pond and Whale
Pine Tree, Jaybird, Wind, and Moose, Bear and Otter, Wolf and Goose
Kangaroo and Manatee, Cobra, Shark and Chimpanzee
Butterfly, Volcano, Moss, Turtle, Beetle, Albatross
Dove, Giraffe, Gazelle, Baboon, Snake, Gorilla, Mouse, Raccoon
Rose and Tiger, Porpoise, Ant, Buffalo and Elephant
The promise that a sunrise brings
Is one more chance to dance and sing
The child helps the grown-up see
We need more balance musically
So ev'ry creature, raise your voice
Each holy day we all rejoice
And celebrate how we survive
The Earthsong is the song of life.
Version: 20241125